Embracing my Filipino-ness

A self-portrait reflecting on a moment of personal check-in during the rise of racial bias toward Asian Americans in the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic.

As anti-Asian rhetoric increased, memories from my teenage years resurfaced; being called names, mocked for my facial features, and made to feel othered for my “Asian-ness.” These experiences returned with new intensity, affecting my sense of self and bringing up lingering struggles with body image.

Wearing a mask during the pandemic often felt like it further highlighted my Asian features at a time when many of us were being blamed for the virus. Moving through public spaces heightened my awareness of safety; not only as a woman, but as an Asian American woman navigating the possibility of targeted hostility.

The closure of dance studios and fitness spaces, where movement had long been an important form of self-care, also disrupted routines that helped me stay connected to my body. As these supports disappeared, difficult thoughts about my body resurfaced.

This piece reflects the process of confronting those moments, reconnecting with myself, and gradually learning to hold pride in my Filipino features and in the ways I continue to show up in the world.